My husband teases me because my favorite movie genre is apocalyptic themes. My favorite book as a kid was “The Long Winter” in the Little House series because the circumstance and outlook was so dire! I’m a pessimist and very, VERY hard on myself. Even though I’m 57 and had decades of practice of “doom, despair, and agony on me” (let’s see if any of you catch that reference jingle), I have learned to change my “what if…” inner dialogue to promote happiness and health.
Persons with disability often worry, fret and are anxious about many “what if” scenarios. Things like:
What if I suffer another concussion? (I was so aggravated at myself to have to update my sign a week ago):
What if I become legally blind?
What if I have to have my cochlear implant removed to get an MRI and accurate MS diagnosis?
What if I get ALS like my Mother?
What if… ?
I mean seriously it could go on and on! I’m grateful my interests and subsequent training and education meant I pursued psychology. Yes, yes, occasionally I grieve being rejected by Hogwarts, but psychology likely saved me! Seriously! I use snippets of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) every SINGLE DAY! I know that I’m prone to cathastrophizing my life. I know this bad habit is detrimental to my emotion self and mental health. It also takes a toll on my physical health.
When I find myself perseverating on negative “what if’s…?” I have to deliberately pause and choose to say the opposite.
What if I go another year without any new concussions? I’m taking great pains to walk safely, work around the house safely, etc. That last concussion may have been my last!
What if the meds I am taking save my eyesight?
What if the MRI (after surgical removal of my CI magnet) shows a definitive MS diagnosis? Then I can find proper treatment!
What if I live as long as my Mom did (78) and die from “old age” and not ALS?
In CBT, you have to start with your thinker. If you can change your thinker, it will aid in changing your feeler (heart) and in turn change your behavior (anxious thoughts, depression, self-harm, etc.) Change your THINKER to change your FEELER to change your BEHAVIOR.
So there isn’t anything wrong with “what if…?” thinking. Just make sure most of your “what if’s…?” are positive thoughts and affirmations. It’s hard enough being a person with disabilities and invisible or chronic illness. Don’t become your own worse enemy. Cue the music and summon your Mission: Impossible chi and see if this CBT tool can at the very least improve your mental health and personal regard.
L. Denise Portis, Ph.D.
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