When my alarm goes off, Milo (who is laying in a ginormous dog bed on the floor by me) hops up and nudges my face and arms. There are days where my eyes pop open and I lay there for a few minutes giving myself a pep talk. Milo isn’t into pom-pom’s and cheering… he just wants breakfast. This means I can’t lay there contemplating all that is “Denise” very long.
Do you ever have trouble getting out of bed? I’m not talking about because you are sleepy. I do not mean the kind of lazy-bone feeling you have when it is rainy and cold out and you just want to stay cuddled up in the blankets. I’m talking about the weariness that comes from having to psych yourself up
one
more
day.
It can be difficult. Don’t get me wrong. I recognize that I have so much to live for and that I am blessed. PsychCentral recently wrote about what NOT to say to someone with depression. The piece included a great number of platitudes that people say to someone who struggles with depression. Some that I hear a lot are:
- There are a lot of people worse off than you.
- You have so many things to be thankful for! Why are you depressed?
- Happiness is a choice (this one kills me because it is actually the title of one of my favorite books!)
Several years ago I saw a quote on social media that said, “Telling someone they cannot be sad, depressed, or anxious because others have it worse is like saying someone cannot be happy because others have it better.”
Yes. I do know people who are “worse off” than I am. But by what measure?
Like many with chronic illness, or visible/invisible disabilities, I have good days and bad days. I would suspect that most people who talk to me each day in person – at work, class, check out lines, or walking – believe I am a very cheerful person. Fact is? I work at it. It does not come easily to me.
At 50 years old, however, one thing I have learned is how powerful a smile and encouraging word are to others. I try not to think about my limitations. That’s so… limiting! Instead, I work to make a difference each and every day, even if all I have the energy or ability to do is be genuinely friendly and encouraging.
I love Fridays. On February the 17th, I posted this picture and caption on FaceBook:
What I did NOT post, is that later that day when I arrived home weary but safe from a long week doing what I love, I had a seizure. Right there on my front porch. It lasted all of ten seconds and I knew 20 minutes beforehand it was coming. Milo was safe in the back yard and I a l m o s t made it to the door. (No worries – I know that a frontal head bump, fatigue, and Meniere’s flare are the recipe for a “fall down go boom”. I have regular contact with my doctors and “we’ve got this” – promise!)
When I got home from work today, one week later, I find I am still thinking about that and a little peeved about the permanent issues of having multiple concussions. Each Friday, I feel as if I have pushed a “happy Denise” uphill all week long. It is hard. It isn’t so hard that I cannot do all that I CAN DO. Sure, I may be naive to think that my smile and small acts of kindness make a difference. But I choose to believe. I believe because someone else smiled at me and encouraged me. When they did I had the wherewithal to press on – one more day.
Denise Portis
©2017 Personal Hearing Loss Journal
Hearing Elmo 
My first thought was “it’s only sometimes?” because staying positive does not come automatically for me. I’m not endlessly negative either, but your message of what it takes just to get through some days or weeks rings true. You are right, and I stand by it too, the notion that a smile or an encouragement can turn a life around. I try to give it out, and I’m so grateful when these are shared with me even when I don’t radiate sunshine. Press on!
I too have a hard time getting out of bad some days, even if it’s just to move to the living room.
I believe that smiling and encouraging others helps. I know it does with me, and I’ve seen others light up when I compliment them.
It makes a difference.
Sending you hugs, my friend. ❤
It is a lot of emotional work in general to function in a world that is designed for “typical’ people and by the end of the day/week, I’m exhausted. I can’t relate to your specific condition but I so get it. (Found your blog on Meriah’s list of disability blogs.)