Yup. Like most of the Atlantic coastline, we’ve been getting the snow. Enough snow that warranted a “whoops Denise” accident with two emergency room visits to follow. But hey… that’s OLD NEWS now so I digress…
Last week, most schools closed both Thursday and Friday. Since my entire family works at a school, that meant we were all home.
In the same house.
By Friday afternoon I was BEGGING my husband to get me down the hill and out of the neighborhood. We unburied the car, unblocked our space that the snow crews had “accidentally” blocked off with huge mounds of snow, warmed the car up for ten minutes, and escaped.
It was also Valentine’s Day. My husband knows better than to get me chocolate or flowers. I love cards. I love to eat out. (Something to do with not having to fix it or clean it up?) So we went on a “date”. I was thrilled. Not only had I escaped the house but now I was going out to eat a late lunch for Valentine’s Day.
I’ll admit it. I wasn’t thinking about “pottying my service dog” at home where I had cleared out a space in the grass so the dogs could easily go. My mind was on one thing. Escape. So by the time we arrived at the restaurant, it took seconds for me to realize my mistake. I had forgotten that snow plows pile up the snow on the mulch, grassy areas, or right on the other side of the sidewalks so that the walkway is clear. You can only get to the grass if you climb up a huge man-made snow drift! We got out of the car and my husband looked around.
“Gosh. Can you believe it? What are people with service dogs suppose to do?” he said with heartfelt exasperation.
I looked at him quizzically for a second or two before responding. “Ummm. It’s not THEIR fault that I didn’t take care of pottying MY service dog before I left home”.
I was so proud of myself. I practically beamed from the inside out. There may have been a faint glow coming out of my ears and nostrils. Yup. I’m pretty sure I was beaming.
My Problem Isn’t THEIR Problem
You see? The only person who is responsible for making sure my service dog’s needs are taken care of are ME. There was a time when I advocated very poorly. Do you know I never once improved my situation by poorly advocating? Poor advocacy is accomplished when your attitude is wrong. These wrong attitudes can include a critical spirit, self-pity, self-righteousness, indignation, pessimism, and a persecution complex.
Sometimes people with invisible illness or disability advocate poorly because we are fed up. Maybe you have faced very real discrimination. This can make us feel defensive. Worse? It can make us go on the OFFENSIVE. However, advocacy is similar to a trial. We plead our case, provide evidence, and attempt swaying another to do the right thing and perhaps facilitate change, follow the law, understand our predicament, or simply raise awareness.
It was not the responsibility of Outback Steakhouse to make sure my service dog had an easily accessible place to potty before entering the establishment. Had I gone in and demanded accommodation for something like that I wouldn’t have gotten very far. I did let them know that the crew they hired to plow their parking lot had piled a bunch of snow up in a handicapped space, “… and what was someone to do who wanted to eat out and had mobility issues, needing the space?” (I’ve noticed people listen to a person with disability advocating on behalf of another with disability).
Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean that you never have to…
“lock and load” (Ok. That’s is a bit much, yes?)
“gird up your loins” (Umm. Creepy much?)
“put up your dukes” (*rolls eyes* What is this? A boxing match?)
FIGHT FAIR. That’s right. Sometimes you may have to fight to make sure your rights as a person with disability or invisible illness are upheld. But remember, this is about equality, not superiority. In the end, you want to sway others to your way of thinking or to understand the law. This isn’t about special privileges, recognition, or “it’s all about me”. That has never defined advocacy.
© 2014 Personal Hearing Loss Journal