This past weekend my husband, firstborn and I headed to “Summer Orientation” at the college my daughter is transferring to this fall. She will be transferring in as a junior and we came to complete the remainder of her check-in requirements and participate in some on-campus meetings.

I’ve been deliberately and methodically choosing not to think about this fall and the impending separation from my firstborn. I’ve always been pretty good at that and it keeps me from perseverating about unpleasant events. However, attending meetings about “how to let go” and how to encourage independence, forces the issue to the front of my mind.

Because of the forced concentration on this coming fall, I came to a startling discovery. I’m actually going to be OK! Kyersten is confident and excited. She received fantastic scholarships and is lined up for Work Study. One of Kyersten’s roommates is a young lady who graduated high school with her. Elise will be transferring in as a junior as well. I have easy access to email, SKYPE, Facebook, cell phone, and texting. I may shed a few tears after dropping her off this fall, but truthfully I am more excited than devastated about our family beginning a new chapter. We’ve prepared for this and we are ready. I have faith that God will keep her in the palm of His hand. I can let go – and let God.

I’m not as good at that about all things, however. Some things I find it more difficult to…  “let God”?

1. Finances: My husband works full-time and also works part-time as an adjunct professor. I work “very” part-time as a teacher at a private school. I currently only work one day a week, and only during the school year. I will not be finished with my Master’s degree until the end of this year, and even then I will probably have to wait until the following school year to work a truly “part-time” schedule. This means that things are tight financially. Really tight! I try not to complain or worry because I know so many who are unemployed or struggling with more difficult financial issues than we are. Our car needs fixed. We have debt. It’s really hard for me to release some of these worries to God. I want to “fix” things… stay in control. I believe God equips us to make decisions to work through financial problems, but at some point you have to have faith too! I struggle with having that faith…

2. Hearing: I am truly blessed to have bionic hearing and experience daily the miracle of “hearing again”. Each morning when I slip my coil magnet into place, I am reminded of the miracle of hearing again. A confession? I always fear “how long will this last”. Perhaps it’s because I experienced profound deafness for a couple of years prior to implantation. I know what it means to not be able to hear and communicate well. It had such a devastating effect, it left invisible scars on my heart and mind. I am implanted with the “most reliable” cochlear implant on the market. Yet because of FEAR, I always get a hitch in my breath right before I connect the magnet each morning. I have trouble letting go of this fear… and letting God give me the confidence that He is in control.

Do you have trouble letting go – and letting God? I believe it is because there is a small part of us that wants to control our own destiny. In some ways, if we are the only ones in charge of our destiny then we are the only one responsible for the outcome. But is that true?

Reality check: Decisions OTHER PEOPLE make often impact our lives and our future. Natural disasters can have an influence. A devastating health diagnosis can impact our future – our very life. Stock markets crash, wars continue, the housing market may plummet. Someone we love may be killed by a drunk driver. People may be robbed, raped or murdered. Nothing like painting a rosy picture for you, huh? GRIN.

The good news? God is in control. John Ortberg said, “Peace doesn’t come from finding a lake with no storms. It comes from having Jesus in the boat”. I don’t think we can truly “let go – and let God”, if we aren’t in the habit of daily interacting with the God who loves us. You cannot think about God part-time and expect His peace full-time.

I love studying and using the names of God in my daily interactions with Him.

Jehovah-Rophe or Jehovah-Rapha: The Lord God heals

Jehovah-Sabaoth: The Commander to the Angelic Host and the Armies of God

Jehovah-Jireh: The Lord will provide

El Shaddai: God all sufficient

Jehovah-Shalom: The Lord our Peace

The names of God remind us of all the things He IS. These reminders make it possible for us to “let go – and let God” with confidence.

I encourage you to make a list of things you have trouble letting go of and discussing them with the One who really cares. I still have two big issues that I have trouble letting go of… yet learning to release these worries daily create a confidence that I can feel is growing. My hope is that I will one day realize I have truly “let go”.

Denise Portis

© 2010 Personal Hearing Loss Journal